RELATIONSHIPS : TLC Meals Program Offers a Lot More Than Hot Lunches

He’s 76 and divorced. She’s 74 and widowed. Both have been on their own for a number of years, but, unlike many single people their age, they are not plagued by loneliness.

Phil Sween and Marie Slovacek of Huntington Beach have the kind of friendship that heightens the good times and cushions the bad.

They feel lucky, because some of the people they see at the site of a senior meals program where they have lunch every weekday rarely get out, rarely talk to anyone.

The hot lunches served by the Feedback Foundation at Warner Avenue Baptist Church in Huntington Beach--one of 28 meal sites throughout the county--draw such people out of isolation and give them a sense of family, if only for the lunch hour.

And for those like Phil and Marie, who are outgoing, mobile and energetic, the chance to socialize with peers over lunch has opened a door to deeper connections that make their lives away from the lunch program more active and fulfilling.

Some of those who met through the program have married. Many have found surrogate families through their friendships. All have found someone who would call to check on them if they didn’t show up for lunch and bring them flowers--or a missed meal--if they were sick.

The Feedback Foundation’s Project TLC (which stands for Transportation, Lunch and Counseling--but participants prefer “Tender, Loving Care”) serves about 3,000 meals a day to people age 60 and older, including about 700 meals delivered to homebound residents. The Anaheim-based, nonprofit organization provides free meals (a small donation is requested from those who can afford to pay) and transportation to program sites, according to Shirley A. Cohen, executive director.

“One of the things we hear most from seniors is that they are lonely,” she says. “The meal is used as a catalyst to get people out so they’re not sitting home alone watching TV.”

In addition to meals and transportation, the program provides referrals to community resources and organizes excursions and educational talks.

But the biggest attraction for most participants is the companionship of other people who are as hungry as they are for someone with whom to talk.

“The community they establish and friendships they form are as nourishing as the balanced, hot meal,” says Deborah Schell, who is the Project TLC manager at the Huntington Beach church.

Margaret and Charles Crary gained far more than they expected from the program. They met over lunch at Warner Avenue Baptist and were married there nine months later, on Charles’ 82nd birthday, with their Project TLC friends around them.

Margaret, who is 75, had been widowed 20 years and had been coming to Project TLC for five years when Charles showed up at her table in February, 1989, shortly after his wife died.

“I was at loose ends, so I thought it would be a good idea to check it out,” Charles explains.

Soon he was dating Margaret, and before long, the remarried Charles, who has no children of his own, was celebrating Father’s Day for the first time in his life. Margaret has seven children, 12 grandchildren and 10 great-grandchildren.

Ruth Langlos, 70, and Violet Phelps, 82, both widows, also met at Project TLC and have become close friends. After Ruth had heart surgery, Violet visited her at the hospital, then called often while she was recuperating.

“Ruth is very important to me,” Violet says.

Many other friends from the lunch program sent “get well” cards that meant a lot to Ruth.

“It’s like having an extended family,” she says, admitting that she would be lonely without her Project TLC friends.

Those who avoid the program because they don’t want to hang out with old folks are missing an opportunity to meet people from all walks of life, she points out.

“I’m lost if I can’t come here,” says Betty King, 76. “What would I do without it--sit at home and work with my flowers? But they don’t talk back to me. This is where I get my human contact.”

She has become close friends with one TLC participant with whom she often gets together and talks on the phone, and she has befriended a married couple who include her in their family activities.

“There are many precious friendships here,” she says.

When she had outpatient foot surgery recently, Phil and Marie took her to Hawaiian Gardens for the operation and waited all day to take her home.

“These two people do a great deal for many people,” she said at a recent TLC lunch as Phil and Marie move from one table to the next, greeting everyone with warm hugs.

“Hey, did you two run off and get married?” teases one of their cronies, referring to their recent absence.

Marie blushes and explains that they had been visiting the daughter of Fran Antolak, whose sudden death last November was like a death in the family for many of the Project TLC participants. Especially Marie and Phil.

Fran, Marie and Phil had lived in the same mobile home park in Huntington Beach and had been inseparable for about three years. They talked with each other by phone every morning and evening, took trips to Las Vegas together, shopped garage sales every weekend, went to each other’s family gatherings.

Fran, who had been widowed, had helped Marie when she was grieving over her husband’s death. They were like sisters by the time Phil became Fran’s next-door neighbor and started joining them at Project TLC lunches. Soon they were dubbed “The Three Musketeers” by their TLC friends.

It was at a church dinner, shortly after the three had greeted each other with their usual good cheer, that Fran--who was 72 but seemed more like 39 to those who knew her--suddenly suffered severe chest pains. While Marie comforted Fran, Phil called paramedics, but Fran had lost consciousness by the time they arrived. When Phil and Marie got to the hospital, their friend was dead.

Tears still come easily when Phil and Marie talk of Fran.

“I still don’t believe she’s gone,” Phil says, admitting that he and Fran had talked about marriage. “Her death is the worse thing that’s happened to me in my lifetime.”

Helping each other through their grief brought Phil and Marie closer together, and now they continue to do all the things they used to do with Fran, often with a feeling that “she’s still with us,” Marie says.

They begin each day at 5 a.m. (“It’s a wasted day if you don’t get up at 5,” Phil declares). Phil calls Marie to say “good morning,” and they usually meet for breakfast at Central Park in Huntington Beach, where they take walks and feed the ducks. Later, they meet for lunch at Project TLC, and they talk on the phone several times in the evening and just before going to bed at about 10.

“I have to tell her to go to bed or she won’t,” Phil jokes. Besides, he adds, “it’s a good way to end the day.”

Both say they’re not interested in remarrying.

“We’re good friends, and that’s how we want it to stay,” says Marie, who has been on her own for 10 years and likes her independence. “We just want to take care of each other.”

The happiness Phil and Marie have found in their special friendship seems to rub off on others at Project TLC lunches, where their warmth draws others out.

They also set a good example for lonely seniors who haven’t taken advantage of programs such as Project TLC.

“You have to go out and find friendship,” says Marie with conviction. “You won’t find it if you sit at home.”

Are you a single mom or dad whose kids are away for a good part of the summer, living with your ex-spouse? If so, how do you keep in touch? Send your comments to “Relationships,” Orange County View, The Times, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, Calif. 92626. Please include a phone number.