Seeking acceptance

Deepa Bharath

For Cameron Candelaria, life is a kaleidoscope that moves in fast

forward.

The 6-year-old, who has been diagnosed as autistic, bounds from one

activity to another with the natural nonchalance of a baby kangaroo.

Now he plays with his Woody doll. Two seconds later, he is pulling out

family photographs from the entertainment center. A minute later, he

bolts up the stairs to watch The Cartoon Network.

That’s Cameron’s world. And on any given day, he seems happy in it.

But when the real world digresses from and seems less tolerant of his

parallel universe, that is when Cameron hurts.

His parents, Craig and Sherri Candelaria, say helping Cameron, who has

the mental capacity of a 3-year-old, fit in with the rest of society has

been their biggest challenge.

Getting the world to accept Cameron, they say, has been a struggle --

even at church, where most people feel a sense of comfort and belonging,

Sherri Candelaria said.

“It’s so frustrating and heartbreaking for us,” she said. “Church is a

place where you go to belong. You think everybody is equal before God.”

She began taking Cameron and her older son, Caleb, 7, to a music class

at Calvary Church in Costa Mesa earlier this month. But, she said, the

volunteers who ran the four-week class asked her to take Cameron out of

it halfway through the program because they could not handle him.

“Cameron was really upset the following week,” she said. “He called

the class ballet. He saw Caleb go to the class and said, ‘Caleb goes to

ballet. Why can’t I go?”’

So Caleb stopped going too, she said.

Candelaria said Cameron was so upset she saw him hammering a picture

of Jesus above his bed and say: “I’m sorry, Jesus. I’ll be good. Let me

go to ballet.”

“It really broke my heart and shook my faith,” she said, getting

emotional. “He is a disabled child who needs that support system, who

needs to know he too is loved by God.”

But the church has tried to accommodate Cameron, said Tim Celek,

senior pastor at Calvary Church. He said the volunteers who conducted the

program believed the boy was not acting like he was having a good time in

the class.

“We just did not feel like he was having a positive experience that we

try so hard to provide to our children here,” Celek said.

Also, he said Cameron’s parents told the volunteers he had

attention-deficit disorder but never told them he was autistic. Celek

said Cameron reacted to the class in a hyperactive way, for example, by

running out and forcing someone to chase him and catch him.

“I’ve heard that autistic kids when exposed to a lot of stimuli

respond in different ways,” he said. “Some turn inward and just shut

themselves up. Some go the other way and become too [exuberant]. Cameron

went the other way.”

The pastor said the program director told him that Cameron was doing

better when there was less structure. This particular class was

structured because students were divided into groups and had to come up

with a skit at the end of the program

Cameron’s piano teacher, Shannon Loftis, said she had a class with

Cameron the day he was told not to come back to the church’s program.

“He was very upset,” she said. “I asked him to play how he felt on the

drums, and he was really banging on it and letting it all out.”

Loftis said Cameron does have special needs and can be quite a

handful.

“But he’s a very well-mannered child and a pleasant child to be

around,” she said. “I really wish people would understand, compromise and

try to accommodate him.”

Experts describe autism as a syndrome in which affected children exist

in a world of their own -- a place characterized by repetitive routines,

odd and peculiar behavior, problems in communication and a total lack of

social awareness or interest in others.

Cameron has also been diagnosed with Asperger’s disorder -- a

developmental disorder that makes him function at a higher level than the

typical child with autism. While most autistic children fail to develop

language, children with Asperger’s disorder usually use words by the time

they are 2, although their speech patterns may be odd.

Frustration is a common emotion for people dealing with autistic

children, said William Cable, an on-staff neurologist at Hoag Hospital.

“It’s a pattern of behavior,” he explained. “Most autistic children

have a short attention span. They are moving constantly from one things

to another. They need to be watched carefully.”

Cable said these children, who are usually retarded in language and

social development, also become frustrated with themselves.

“They may become violent though not in a purposeful manner,” he said.

“There are even mothers who have been known to pull away from their own

children because they just can’t deal with it.”

Sherri Candelaria knows and understands the challenge and the pain.

“It’s hard, especially around people,” she said. “All these years,

I’ve spent 95% of the time apologizing to people for Cameron’s behavior.

But more than anything else I wanted, I wanted him to fit in somewhere.”

That’s why the church incident affected the family deeply, she said.

“He doesn’t walk to the same beat,” Candelaria said. “But he

understands rejection.”

Celek said he was going to talk to the Candelarias to see how Cameron

could be brought back to the church. But the Candelarias said they were

too hurt by the experience.

Sherri Candelaria said she went into a depression after the church

episode. Her husband, Craig, said they have stopped going to the church.

“How can we feel comfortable and pray in a church where our son is

looked at differently?” he asked. “It’s a convenience factor. It’s like

saying ‘If you’re easy to deal with, you are welcome here.”’

Other routines will, however, continue for Cameron with constant

treatment at UC Irvine and a new dose of medication that the family

believes will improve his condition.

“We’re already beginning to see positive changes in his behavior,”

Sherri Candelaria said.

Cameron is also a student at Paularino Elementary School and goes to a

special class for autistic children.

Having an autistic child, though challenging, has brought the family

together, Sherri Candelaria said.

“I can understand now how the mother of a disabled child would feel,”

Candelaria said. The whole experience “has humbled us.”

* Deepa Bharath covers public safety and courts. She may be reached at

(949) 574-4226 or by e-mail at o7 [email protected] .