BYRON DE ARAKAL -- Between The Lines

o7 It had been my intention that the words you read today would be

mine. They are not.

I didn’t write this column. A kid did. A youngster who came to me in

pain. He is a child I’ve known for years. And he is a good young man who

works hard in school and plays by the rules. He wears his heart and his

sensitivity on his sleeve, which is a dangerous trade for a middle-school

teen.

Some days ago, before last week’s savage attack on our people and our

sovereignty, he approached me and asked if I might read something that he

had put to paper. I told him I would. And as I took in the words, I

recalled a rather lively debate last spring before the Newport-Mesa

Unified School District Board of Education. The public hearing centered

upon an expansion of the district’s often-criticized zero-tolerance

policy to include verbal abuse.

The board ultimately adopted the policy.

In a nutshell, it says this: “The District will not tolerate any

gestures, comments, threats or actions, either written, verbal or

physical, which cause, or threaten to cause or are likely to cause bodily

harm or personal degradation. These actions will not be tolerated on any

District campus or at any school activity whether on or off campus.”

When I had finished reading what the young man had given me, I

wondered aloud to him if he might be willing to share it with others in

this space. And I could see the idea concerned him at first. It was clear

to me those adolescent thoughts about ratting out his f7 peers or not

being able to “take it” were running around in his head. Nevertheless, I

told o7 him his words might spark a debate, get parents and teachers and

kids talking about verbal abuse.

So he agreed. But he wished to remain anonymous. I’m respecting that

wish. Only myself and my editors know who he is.

f7

Too many people are victims, victims of fistfights and even shootings.

But I choose not to write of those. I choose to write of one of the most

cunning and hurtful forms of violence: verbal abuse. Today, I write about

the amount, some examples, and possible resolutions to verbal abuse at

TeWinkle Middle School. As a matter of fact, all schools.

Why do all of the jocks, the preppies and the just downright mean

people crack jokes and poke fun at other people’s expense, including

mine? Unfortunately, I don’t know why. But I think I might know how to

stop it. I actually know a few of these people (no names will be

mentioned) who single me out personally. I am sick of the immature

behavior, and I hope that the school board and the parents of these

children will care enough about their own kids to do something about it.

Unfortunately, verbal abuse is all too alive and well. People who are

arrogant, popular or insecure always seem to have a need to pick on

people who aren’t like them. Even in the classroom, when the teacher

isn’t paying attention, people make insulting comments about fellow

students who have done nothing to deserve it.

“This is a paper all about me, not about you,” a fellow student of

mine said as he received our first project paper in my English class.

“What are you doing hanging out with him?” another of my classmates

said to a friend of mine during lunch, referring to me.

It shocks me how, if you have the most insignificant difference with

another student, they feel the need to poke fun at you. I’m not the only

victim here. I know other students who get ridiculed all day, much worse

than I do, just for trying to fit in. I have been made fun of and picked

on nine out of my 13 years of life, and I’ve yet to see a decrease in the

amount of verbal beatings other students and I take every day. The

students who are made fun of, including myself, all want this barrage of

verbal violence to stop. Now!

The negative effects that come from verbal abuse can lead to

hostility, violence and even death. The effects could be as minimal as a

verbal assault back, giving the finger or just taking it out on somebody

else. But there are other, more dangerous outcomes of verbal abuse. At my

school, I know of people who have turned to drugs as an outlet of escape

from verbal abuse, which can lead to fatal outcomes. I actually know of a

few who have turned to such drugs as marijuana and, some say, ecstasy.

Others become so insecure that the slightest mean comment toward them

will cause them to snap and perhaps seriously hurt somebody. Last year, a

boy who had not gotten his way in a baseball game started to strangle an

innocent bystander.

Some of this verbal abuse can have even fatal results. Look at the

Santana High School shooting, for example. Was it not caused by the

hurtful comments made by students toward the kid who did the shooting? We

shouldn’t fool ourselves by underestimating the seriousness of this

problem and what could happen if it is ignored.

As you read in the beginning, verbal abuse is an awful thing. But I

have a solution to this problem. I believe that the school should work

harder to enforce the zero-tolerance policy toward verbal harassment.

When the students at my school heard that there was a zero-tolerance

policy, they became uptight and stopped for only a matter of two weeks. I

have yet to see any students held accountable by school officials for

their verbal abuse.

I also believe that the parents of these students who make fun of

their peers should talk to their kids about their actions. Also, parents

should talk to their children who are being made fun of and try to find a

solution. Ignoring them is one answer, but after a while it becomes very

difficult. I’ve tried ignoring it for nine years. It doesn’t always work.

But just a half-hour conversation with your children could maybe stop

verbal abuse for good. With a little enforcement from the schools, we all

can stop this dreadful form of violence.

Verbal abuse disgusts me. Why do people need to make other people feel

bad? What’s worse is that it’s not only in schools. It’s on TV, radio and

is part of life in general. The outcome of a life full of this, in or out

of school, can be disastrous. It can range from the smallest insecurity

to actually hurting or killing someone. Although the solution is simple,

I see nobody practicing it.

It says in the Bible, “Reckless words pierce like a sword.” I agree

wholeheartedly. They pierce your spirit and make it bleed.

* BYRON DE ARAKAL is a writer and communications consultant. He lives

in Costa Mesa. His column appears on Wednesdays. Readers can reach him

with news tips and comments via e-mail at o7 [email protected] .