THE COASTAL GARDENER:

If you’re not a gardener, but a friend of yours is, this week’s column is for you. Please read on. If you’ve finished your Christmas shopping, hopefully you saved your receipts. There’s still time to save yourself some awkward, thorny moments on Christmas Day.

Here’s what not to buy a gardener:

1. Chia Pet. Yes, these are still being sold and can be had for a twenty-dollar bill at a few drug stores around town. The Chia collection has multiplied considerably since 1982, when the first pet was introduced, a Chia ram. The menagerie now includes Chia frog, Chia cow, Chia cat, Chia bunny, Chia elephant, Chia hippo, Chia puppy, Chia pig, Chia kitten, Chia turtle and even a Chia crocodile. Put the Chia pet back on the shelf, right where it belongs, next to The Clapper and the singing fish.

2. Pink Flamingo. The quintessential decoration for every classy Newport Beach front garden. Why just one? Flamingos are communal birds. I’m sure the homeowners association where your friend lives will appreciate this gift.

3. Concrete Garden Gnomes. I never really understood this fad of a few years ago. Thankfully the craze is on its last legs, so to speak. None too soon either.

4. A Pet Raccoon or Pet Rabbits. These are the bane of many a gardener, myself included. I enjoy cultivating my garden soil, and I’m an organic gardener as well. But I prefer the cultivation of my soil to be where I want it, not where the raccoon wants it. Similarly, I know that lawns and flower beds need an occasional clipping to keep them tidy, but rabbits just don’t make good gardeners.

5. A Plastic Christmas Tree. Hmmm. A know several gardeners who have already fallen for this temptation, but it’s a risky gift for a “green” friend.

6. Lawn Jockey. Another front garden icon that is way past its time, but still occasionally seen. What are people thinking when they display one of these remnants of a bygone era. The lawn jockey ornament, known specifically as “jocko”, was a cast replica of a black man dressed in jockey’s clothing and holding up one hand as though taking the reins of a horse. The hand sometimes carried a lantern or a metal ring suitable for hitching a horse. What? You’re kidding, right?

7. Gazing Ball on Pedestal. These Victorian era ornaments had a small resurgence of popularity a decade or so ago. Fortunately, the revival was short lived. I don’t think so.

8. Gift Card to The Olive Garden. Distinct from Kew Garden in England, Butchart Garden in Canada or The Huntington Garden in San Marino, this is not a horticultural paradise.

9. Garden Calendars. Malls are full of kiosks and calendar displays, with a wide offering of those that gardeners are supposed to like. Most don’t. They’re just a collection of nice photographs that have very little, if anything, to do with Southern California gardening.

10. The Amazing Tree Tomato. Gardeners have heard rumors of this mysterious plant for nearly twenty years, being advertised in the back pages of gardening magazines and available from mail order companies. Funny, in these advertisements the plant is always drawn, never pictured. These puzzling plants are never seen in local garden centers or gardens. The reality of a “tree tomato” (actually a tamarillo) and the promise of year-round fruit on handsome ten foot “trees” is too good to be true – literally.

11. A Lawn Mower. If your gift was the aforementioned rabbits, then you won’t need this gift. Nonetheless, to a gardener, mowing a lawn is not gardening; much like, to a cook, doing the dishes is not cooking.

12. A Garden Apron. Not sure who really uses one of these.

Did you find those receipts yet? There’s still time.

ASK RON

Question: Love your column. I came to your seminar last week on Attracting Wildlife to Your Garden. What was the name again of the hummingbird that kept visiting the plants in the amphitheater while you and Wendy were speaking?

Suzanna

Costa Mesa

Answer: That was an Allen’s Hummingbird. Most Allen’s Hummingbirds in Southern California are migratory and are only seen during winter or earliest spring. However, because of our abundant, year-round supply of nectar, two or three Allen’s Hummingbirds are now permanent residents at the garden center. The somewhat smaller size and the bright cinnamon color of its flanks and sides distinguish it from the much more common Anna’s Hummingbird.

ASK RON your toughest gardening questions, and the expert nursery staff at Roger’s Gardens will come up with an answer. Please include your name, phone number and city, and limit queries to 30 words or fewer. E-mail [email protected], or write to Plant Talk at Roger’s Gardens, 2301 San Joaquin Hills Road, Corona del Mar, CA 92625.

RON VANDERHOFF is the Nursery Manager at Roger’s Gardens, Corona del Mar