She Won’t Sit Still for Flood Pants

Dear Fashion Police: I’m a woman and work with men who wear jeans to the office. When they stand, their pants are the right length and when they sit, their pants are the right length. When I wear jeans, I stand and they look right, but when I sit, I look like Jethro Bodine. I’ve gone an extra half-inch and even an extra inch longer, so now I look like I’m too cheap to get my pants hemmed when I stand. When I sit, I look like I’m waiting for the flood waters to subside. Why is this happening? What new part of me is fat?

--TOO MUCH ANKLE

Dear Too: Hey now, don’t put the blame on flab. We believe it’s the cut of the jeans that’s the problem, not the length. If you have curvy hips or shapely legs, your jeans may be too tight in those areas, causing them to bunch up when you sit. In general, men have slim, narrow hips, so their jeans may not ride up as much.

Try a cut that’s made especially for women, such as Gap’s reverse cut, which is looser in the hips and thighs and tapers toward the ankle. Some brands also come in a regular cut and an ankle-length cut, so try the regular cut, which should give you a bit more length as well.

You’re not in this alone--we usually have to try 15 styles at five or six stores before we find a pair that fits, so have patience.

*

Dear Fashion Police: I recently purchased a one-size-fits-all summer straw hat. How can I get a tighter fit? It does not have any kind of inside lining.

--MAD AT THE HATTERS

Dear Mad: Until hat manufacturers realize that women’s heads do not all have the same circumference, fitting hats will continue to be a problem. However, we have found a solution. The Paula’s Hatbox catalog offers something called “Size a Hat,” which is a self-sticking foam band that adheres to the inside of the crown. Although we’ve never used it and cannot vouch for its performance, a company spokeswoman said the band will not damage the hat, won’t come undone in warm weather and is easily removable. It’s $8 for two 21-inch strips, which should be enough for two hats. If you order a hat from the catalog, it’s only $4. Call (800) 332-4287.

*

From the Fashion Police Blotter: From time to time we have taken some of you to task for inappropriate attire in public. We’ve never named names, but you know who you are. There were the summertime fashion crimes (ratty tank tops, swimwear worn as street clothes, short shorts revealing too much flesh); men wearing hats indoors; and the eternal struggle of “casual Friday.”

The latest transgression we spotted recently was a young man at a restaurant who decided to take off his sandals at the table--a booth, actually, which faced the center of the room. That gave everyone a wonderful view of his bare feet.

Perhaps the man was confused and thought he was at home--if he lives in a house where menus are handed out and a waiter brings the meals. Blurring the lines of distinction between home and restaurant is a bad idea, just as blurring the lines of distinction between home and movie theater is a bad idea. It creates confusion, which leads to sartorial tragedies such as these.

General rule of thumb: When in a public place, fight the urge to disrobe.

* When reporting or preventing a fashion crime, write to Fashion Police, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053, or fax to (213) 237-0732. Submissions cannot be returned. No telephone inquiries, please.