LAUGH LINES

Trying Times Are Here Again: Kenneth Starr plans to release another report about the Clintons. “I’ve read the report, even though it’s not out yet. I got a copy from the Chinese.” (David Letterman)

Go Figure: The annual Southern Baptists convention has denounced President Clinton for declaring that June is Gay and Lesbian Pride Month. “Which I think is very, very unfair. No other president has done more to promote heterosexuality than Clinton.” (Jay Leno)

Business Beat: The owners of the Internet porn site Sex.com want to purchase Caesars hotels. “Which proves sex not only sells, it buys.” (Daily Scoop)

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The Essential David Letterman

Top things people hate more than “Phantom Menace’s” Jar Jar Binks:

10. Bleeding profusely from the ears, nose and eyes.

7. His wife, Hillary Rodham Binks.

5. Having a perfectly good day and then suddenly for no reason thinking of Andy Rooney.

2. Anyone besides Austin Powers who uses the phrase “Yeah, baby!”

1. Spending $8 to watch him.

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