LAUGH LINES

Predictions Fulfilled: “Caroline Kennedy told Democrats that the beliefs of John F. Kennedy’s New Frontier live on in the person of Al Gore. That’s very true. Back in 1960, many Americans believed that by the year 2000, robots would be doing all the work.” (Argus Hamilton)

A Happy Medium: “Al Gore is in a tough position because of his strategy, which is to find the perfect compromise between liberals and conservatives within his own party. [For example,] liberals . . . love the environment. And conservatives love the death penalty. . . . So Gore will introduce his new plan--for a solar-powered electric chair.” (Jay Leno)

In Recovery Mode: “Despite rumors to the contrary . . . Madonna and her early-delivery baby are just fine. In fact, a hospital spokesperson said Madonna is resting comfortably and should be back to making horrible movies in no time.” (Alex Kaseberg)

Taking It All Back: “KFC is recalling over 400,000 toys that came with their kids meals because they were considered unsafe. . . . Apparently, they were matchbox cars that had Firestone tires on them.” (Andrew Wisot)

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