Dad has that look in his eyes

RANDOM thoughts while waiting for the eggs to boil and the beer to chill:

-- Julie Andrews stole my haircut.

-- TV stole my soul.

-- Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.

-- After all these years, I still don’t understand a word Mick Jagger says.

-- If Kobe’s going to score half the Lakers’ points, the least his teammates could do is play ferocious defense.

-- Do metrosexuals have metrosex?

-- To me, electricity will always seem like magic.

-- So will air travel.

-- So will zippers.

-- “Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of.”

Author Kathy Lette

-- The best movies are always on at 2 in the morning.

-- The best parking lot: the 405 Freeway.

-- I’m a light eater. As long as it’s light out, I’ll eat.

-- Everybody looks good in a Dodgers cap.

-- Nobody looks good eating a Dodger Dog.

-- Fifteen bucks to park at Dodger Stadium? For that, I could almost buy a beer.

-- Another sign of the moral apocalypse: “The Sopranos” finally returns ... on Easter Sunday.

-- Tony Soprano’s 84 now, right?

-- No one has time for hobbies anymore.

-- No one has time for anything anymore.

-- Enjoy soft-core journalism? Try the Web.

-- Remember when getting your library card was a big deal?

-- Best sports book in years: “Pistol: The Life of Pete Maravich,” by Mark Kriegel.

-- I’ll show Julie Andrews: Next time, I’m going to copyright my haircut.

-- “The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.” W. Somerset Maugham

-- Seriously, Somerset is my favorite time of day.

-- Handyman tip (courtesy of This Old House magazine): In a pinch, dental floss can be used to tie down a car trunk. Or sew on a shirt button.

-- America’s most underrated actor: Chris Cooper.

-- America’s best new sitcom star: Tina Fey.

-- Amber Alert: Helen Hunt.

-- Everybody should be married in Las Vegas. At

least once.

-- Three words I never want to hear together: Skincare for men.

-- “The Shooter” is the best shoot-’em-up since World War II.

-- Pete Maravich could’ve been a Beatle.

-- My buddy Kuby says that you know you have literacy issues when drivers slow down to figure out what an arrow means.

-- “Buy real estate. God’s not making any more of it.” Tony Soprano

-- Tapioca is the best pudding.

-- Cherry is the best pie.

-- Ann Coulter is a two-fisted thinker. So is Bill Maher.

-- Hockey should use

two pucks.

-- A match made in movie heaven: Lewis Black and Sarah Silverman.

-- She could play his mother.

-- Suggested plotline for the final season of “The Sopranos”: Tony confronts his special feelings for Paulie Walnuts.

-- Hey, storytelling is all about surprise.

-- How soon before the Dodgers offer a “gangs only” section?

-- And how about a special section for all those idiots who spend the entire game on their cellphones?

-- Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton: Generation Sex.

-- Amber Alert II: My buddy Eugene.

-- Brain buster: If each day represents a smaller percentage of your life than the day before, does that mean that each passing day seems progressively shorter?

-- Best reason to watch the “Today” show: Natalie Morales.

-- Best blast from the past: City Hall diner in Montrose.

-- Seriously, if you’ll steal a man’s haircut, you’ll steal anything.

-- Brevity is the soul of wit.

-- Brevity is the soul.

-- Brevity.

Chris Erskine can be

reached at [email protected]. For more of his columns, go to latimes.com/erskine.